Holy Shit!

Have you ever had the experience where you’re just hanging out or doing whatever, minding your own business when out of the blue it hits you that your life for the last 15 years, your surroundings and your routines, may very well be totally upended and real fucking soon? And you sure as hell ain’t ready for the train that’s about to run your ass over?

Yeah. That happened to me yesterday.

My sister from out of town had come to DC, and I ran into her outside our parents’ house. We went inside and talked about inconsequential things for a while, and then our conversation turned to my parents.

A little background: My parents are in their mid-80s and have chosen to “age in place” as it’s called in newspeak. My other sister lives with them, mainly because they want her there, I think. My mother is getting more and more forgetful though she doesn’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s (thank goodness). Otherwise, my parents are in fairly good health for their age.

About two weeks ago, while visiting folks in Georgia, my mother fell and cracked her hip. The Georgia surgeons successfully put her back together and she’s now undergoing physical therapy to get her to the point where she can at least get on a plane. When that happens, she and my father will return to DC. I’ve talked to her a couple of times since her accident, and I’m happy to say she’s her usual, bubbly self and can’t wait to get home.

So my out of town sister and I were talking, and she mentioned regarding her job, she was checking into making a lateral transfer to the DC area. If she did, it means she’d give up the rural, farm life she’s been living for over 30 years, with her horses, goats, and other critters. She’s doing it because my DC sister shouldn’t have to shoulder the job of supporting my parents alone. I relayed to my out of town sister that I’d told my DC sister sometime last year to call on me if she needed help and that I’d move home if she needed me to do that.

Please know that I made the offer in all sincerity. It’d be grossly unfair to leave her to deal with my aging parents alone. Still, I’d thought there’d be a span of a few years or so before my moving back would become necessary. On my way back to Baltimore, I dawned on me that my mother will be handicapped for the foreseeable future, and will need major assistance in doing everything. It was like that for me when I had my knee replaced last summer. I’m happy to come down and help out whenever I’m needed. But I sure as hell am not ready to move to DC. My house is a mess and will require major money to fix up, even just minimally, in order to sell. And money is something I don’t have. The IRS is still trying to nail me to the wall and in trying to deal, I’ve leveraged myself to the hilt. Beyond that, despite my mental issues, I’ve built a doable little life out here in Walmart Country. Moving would disrupt all I’ve managed to achieve in the last 15 years. I will do what I have to do, but…

I’m anticipating there’ll be a family conference when my parents return. We’ll see what happens then.

Meanwhile, guess I’d better put on the red light.


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