How The Hell Do They Know?

Okay, so lately I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries about ancient megalithic structures and stuff like that. So here’s the scenario: Somebody stumbles over something that looks interesting, digs a little bit and realizes they’re in way over their head. They call the university, and a horde of archaeologists descend upon the place and start digging. They find something truly spectacular. Here’s another scenario: A bunch of spelunkers exploring a cave find a bunch of stones arranged in a circle inside this big chamber. They call the academics, and everybody gets excited.

Then the anthropologists step in and declare the stone structures or arrangements or whatever to be religious sites. How come it’s always gotta be connected to religion? I get that ancient peoples might have thought the gods were pissed when some bad shit went down and they thought they’d better sacrifice something to chill ’em out. I get that they didn’t understand stuff like the connection between ocean currents and weather and the rest of it (though honestly, I’m not so sure they didn’t). But why can’t Gobekli Tepe be a party place where everybody got together for a hootenanny? For no reason other than because it was a helluva good time? And the animals and stuff carved into the stone was simply decoration? Those circled stones found in that cave that anthropologists claim were put in place by Neanderthals? What if they set ’em up for a game of bocce ball?

See, what makes me suspicious is that there’s NOTHING to tell ANYBODY what those sites were for. Nothing has been written down. No signs pointing to the cheap seats. No one really has a freakin’ CLUE as to what these places were all about. But those academic types have to have something to tell the world to justify their getting tenure so they just say its a religious site because no one can say any different.

I call bullshit.


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