Stressed Turkey

Didn’t go to the family bonding ceremony today.

I’d been stressing about this all week. Whether I’m ready to be in the same room with them. Not wanting to go, dreading going, but hey, it’s family holiday time, so ya gotta go!

I stressed myself sick.

Like I have the flu but without the sore joints, headache, and all that. The other symptoms are there. Hot flashes, nausea, the rumbling gut, and other stuff that’s TMI.

But I did have a zoom call with them. Best I could do.

Oh–and the word isn’t indifference. It’s value. They love me, but they don’t value me for who I am. So growing up, there was something wrong with me, and I had to do whatever I had to so they would. They never did, and don’t. Put myself through all that bullshit angst for nothing. If I had the chance to do it over again, I would have had the confidence to say fuck you at a much earlier age.

Like 50 years earlier.

Ciao.

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